The little things I love about you and 1 more
by xXthatoneinsanechickXx
Summary: I'm sorry. I love you. I know you've been able to fix me all those time's repeatedly, over and over again, but fake smiles hurt Haru. I love you, but your killing me. Now, nothing is worthwhile because the old you is gone. This new Haru. He's not you. I miss you Haru. The real you. Where did you go? (AU where Makoto had attempted suicide multiple times but to be stopped by Haru.)
1. prologue

**AN:**

**#TRIGGER WARNING I FORGOT TO MENTION. THIS FIC MENTIONS SUICIDE. THOU HATH BEEN WARNED.**

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><p>"Take a breath. Take a deep breath. Now exhale. Breath in again. Now exhale. Good. How do you feel Makoto?"<em> How do I feel? I feel numb. I want to scream. I want to shout. I want to cry.<em>

_I want to die._

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><p><strong>From: Makoto Tachibana <strong>

'_Dear Haru. How do I start? … I love you. I can't see you depressed like this. When you're sad, it kills me. Seeing you depressed like this is like taking a blunt knife and stabbing myself repeatedly. It hurts Haru. I'm sorry. I love you. I know you've been able to fix me all those time's repeatedly, over and over again, but fake smiles hurt Haru. I love you, but your killing me. You say I'm fine, but you know. Oh you know I'm not. But without you, life is pointless. Everything else is not worthwhile. Now, nothing is worthwhile because the old you is gone. This new Haru.. He's not you. I miss you Haru. The real you. Where did you go?'_

Haru's eyes widen in shock at the message he receives. Makoto?

"No.. No no no no no no no no!" He screams in the middle of the street. He was on a walk with Rin. They were at the park near the old Iwatobi Swim Club building. Today was a beautiful day. Makoto would have loved it but he decided to stay home. Shrugging, he left with Rin to go to the park. It was these kind of days that nothing could go wrong. Everything in the world was right. It was perfect.

But nothing is perfect.

"Haru!" He calls out catching up to him easily before the phone in his pocket started buzzing. It was a call.

From Makoto.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**hahaha hope you guys like the teaser trailer thing :p its the prologue this new thing that I'm doing. I might be kinda slow in doing this but we will see how :) Possible long chapter next time! It's mainly MakoHaru but a little bit of RinHaru on the side ;) but yeah. #triggerwarning mentions of suicide. but yeah :) Fave, follow and review! :D**


	2. Chapter 1

"Hello?" Rin says as he picks up.

"Rin." Was the voice that came back to him.

"Makoto?" Rin says, eyes narrowing. This voice. It wasn't Makoto's normal voice yet… It was Makoto.

"It was you." Came the voice again.

"W-what do you m-"

"It was you Rin. You hurt him. You hurt me. Because of you… I'm unfixable. No one can save me now. Not you. Not Haru. It's been so long since I've had this feeling Rin. For the first time in forever… I'm drowning. And it was because of you." At the accusation; Rin's eyes widened and he swallowed his saliva, his throat feeling dryer by the second.

"All he ever wanted.. Was to swim with you again. Was that too much Rin? Was that so hard? Was it too much to ask? Well it doesn't matter anymore." The voice whispered and the squeaking of a diving board was heard.

'A swimming pool?' Rin thinks before it clicks. Drowning. Makoto is going to kill himself.

"MAKOTO! DON'T YOU DARE DO WHAT I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DO!" Rin screams out into his phone.

"Why does it matter? Why do you care?" Makoto spit out. "It's not like you actually care for us. You left us Rin. Why do you care? Just do me one last favour. As a friend. Take care of Haru for me okay?" Makoto whispers and the sound of the phone dropping onto the floor was heard completed with a splash.

Rin's eyes widened in horror and shock. His whole body convulsed as he fell to the ground on his knees. Makoto… A single teardrop left his eye as he remembered. He remembered everything.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**aaaa gomennn. I had no time to finish it XD i just wanted to update you guys since i havent for a few days. anyway, the 5+1 things start from the next chapter, i hope you enjoy :) btw just to mention, its from haru and rin's POV so yeah :P maybe occationally just haru's or rin's but yeah :P it'll rotate around there :) so yeah! :D dont forget to fave, follow and review! :D**


	3. Chapter 2

_'Makoto. Makoto. Makoto. Makoto. Makoto. Makoto. Makoto.'_ That was the only things he thought of as he ran towards the pool that they usually swam in. His breathing was ragged and he couldn't see properly. His head was spinning and he wanted to stop. He wanted to wake up from the dream but he couldn't so this is what he did. He told himself what he loved about Makoto. Of course he loved everything about Makoto. From his head to his toes. He loved his smile, his warm eyes, his loving hugs every time he sees him. "Please Makoto. Don't let me be too late."

**i) Your little whispers in the dark**

_Makoto took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling smoothly, the body on the other side of the bed shifting ever so slightly. _

_"Haru-chan." He breathes out a whisper, barely loud enough for the raven haired boy to hear, yet he hears and turns to face him._

_"I thought I told you to lay off the '-chan'" He whispers back, the silence in the room growing lighter by the minute._

_"Ah yes. That's right. Gomen." Makoto mumbles quietly, wrapping his strong arms around his lovers body, holding him tight. With no resistance what-so-ever, Haru nuzzles into Makoto's chest peppering the skin with light chaste kisses. Feeling Makoto's heartbeat slow down, he sighs._

_"Was it a bad dream again?" Haru mumbles, sleep still having a firm grip over him. Nodding slightly Makoto doesn't say anything, he just squeezes Haru tighter._

_"Don't worry Makoto." He shushes; taking his lovers face in his hands, he kisses his lips lightly. "I'm still here. Im not going anywhere." All Makoto could do was not and try not to cry. It hurt him. The nightmares. He just wants to end it. He just wants it to go away. All the pain. All the hurt…_

As Makoto sank lower into the pool, he couldn't feel his body. He wasn't there. His lungs burnt yet he couldn't move. '_What?..._' He thought to himself. His eyes were open and he was aware of what was going on, yet… He couldn't move. He wanted to break into the surface and see Haru's face waiting for him there. To hold him and tell him that everything was okay and kiss away the tears.

'_Maybe.. Maybe this time I'm really going to die.' _ He thought with a blank expression. '_Oh well. Wasn't this what I always wanted? To have it finally end? Even if I could swim up to the surface… I'll just be depressed. Sad that I couldn't do it and angry that I wasn't brave enough. No.' _ He thought. He tried to close his eyes but all he could do was watch as the bubbles around him swirled. '_Was this what Haru saw in the water? Its pretty.'_

Heavy footsteps rang out as both Haru and Rin ran their separate ways towards the pool. Each had their own thoughts to preoccupy yet they only had one goal.

Save Makoto.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**AAAAAND THATS IT FOR THIS CHAPTER! :D I do sincerely hope you guys actually enjoy what I write hehehe. Because the very first time after coming home from school is to check whether you guys favorite/reviewed/followed its nice to know that you guys like it :) Anyway, thats about it for me now :) Thanks guys :) And as always, dont forget to fave, review and follow for more!**


	4. Chapter 3

**ii)** **Your smile**

_"Hehehe hey girl!" "I-Im not a girl!" He shouts back. 'Why? Why are they making fun of me?' Rin winced as a small pebble was thrown at him, the laughter echoing in his ears as he crouched down low wishing that he could just curl up into a ball and disappear from this world. _

_"Hey! Stop that!" A voice called out. It was warm and inviting. Nothing like what he's ever heard of before. Looking up with teary eyes, he sees two boys running towards them. 'W-what?' He thinks as he sees the two boys trying to reason with the gang but he couldn't hear anything. He had closed himself off from the world. He didn't want to partake in any of this. He didn't ask to be teased. He didn't ask to be bullied by anyone. 'Oh well.' He thinks. 'At least like this I don't have to hear what they are saying about me.' Just as the thought comes, it disappears as his own little world diminishes around him; feeling warm arms around him. He opened his eyes for the first time in what seemed like forever and sees the face of a 8__th__ grader, much like himself with kind sea green eyes and brown hair looking back down at him with a smile on his face. _

_"Oh good. You're awake!" He says with a goofy grin plastered onto his face. _

_"W-where am I?" Rin asks looking around. 'This isn't the park..' He notes looking back at the other male who was fishing through a small backpack to take out a small sandwich. _

_"You must be hungry. Here! Have my lunch." Makoto says handing over the sandwich to the maroon haired boy who just stared in shock at him._

_"Y-you're not going to make fun of me?" He whispers quietly._

_"No of course not!" He giggles. "Besides. I have a girly name too! Let's be friends okay? Oh, I'm Makoto. And this is Haruka." And he smiled._

**_That smile. _**

_Not knowing what to do, Rin felt giddy with happiness. "Y-yeah! Let's be friends forever!" He giggled, content for the time being knowing that he finally had people to rely on. That he didn't have to be alone. That he had people to back him up when he was getting bullied. That he had people to pull him back up to his feet and dust him off and share a smile with him._

But when? When did he realize that the smile was gone? When did he realize that his friends were growing apart from each other? When did he realize that the smiles were fake? Did he even realize it at all? When did he realize that there was an importance to their relationship as more than just to back him up or to simply have a shoulder to cry on. But of course, he only realized it too late.

Oh Makoto. Where did that smile go.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**Hey guys C; Soooo sorry i took so long to update this. Im really trying to meet a deadline so you guys should be seeing more updates sooner or later. Gomenasai if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes as im kinda in a rush to complete the series soon and move on to my incomplete stories. But yeah c: Durarara fic coming up soon too so stay tuned! :D Okay anyway, as usual, review, fave and follow! :D mk baiii**


	5. Chapter 4

**iii) Your small post-it notes that you leave for me to find**

_Blinking his eyes open, he sighs and rolls to the other side of the bed hoping to evade the sunlight which was tearing though his eyelids even though they were closed. He groggily gets up to close the curtain mumbling something unintelligible before collapsing back onto the bed, his soft snores echoing through the empty room. Tossing in frustration when he reaches to the other side of the bed and finding that his partner isn't there; he tears his eyelids open to look around the room to confirm that no, Makoto Tachibana was not in the room. In his stead, a small post-it note taped with care onto the door. _

_'Hey Haru. So you're awake now huh? I'm going out today so just stay at home okay? You can soak in the bathtub if you want to. Since I left at 8 I don't know when you've woken up but I already prepared the bath for you and cooked your favourite mackerel. It's in the oven. Love you. –Makoto.' _

_Haru smiled and walked out of the door humming happily. Only Makoto knew what he wanted daily. Just time to soak in the tub and his mackerel and he was perfectly happy. Skipping to the bathroom, he quickly strips out of his pyjama shirt and bottoms to reveal a swimsuit. Stepping into the water, he was surprised that it was still warm. Checking the clock he realized that I was only 20 minutes since Makoto had left. Looking back down into the water, he sunk to the bottom of the tub letting the warm water engulf him willingly. Looking up, he notices another post-it stuck to the low ceiling of their bathroom. Curiously, he sits up and plucks the post-it note off the ceiling. 'Don't fall asleep in the tub again Haru. It's bad for health.' He sighed. Of course he was going to sleep in the tub. It wasn't bad for health or anything. Slowly but surely, he slowly closed his eyes pushing his head out of the water to breath, he falls into a semi-sound sleep._

_"Haru! I'm home!" A voice called out of the dark. He opened his eyes slowly and looked around. 'The tub. Oh. I must have fallen asleep.' Getting out of the tub, he does a quick stretch popping a few bones and stretches his stiff neck while drying himself off with a towel and stepping out of the bathroom after wrapping the towel around his waist. _

_"Makoto?" He calls out padding down the hallway into the living room. _

_"Ah Haru! You didn't eat the mackerel!" Makoto pouts taking the fish dish out from the oven. _

_"Oh yeah that's right. Sorry. I was in the bath." Haru states settling down at the dining table. Sighing, Makoto sets down the mackerel in front of Haru and smiles watching his boyfriend's eyes light up happily. _

_"Alright, well if you are okay, im going to go take a long bath okay Haru? Is there any more water in the tub?" Simply nodding his head as Haru stuffed his face full of the delicious mackerel that Makoto prepared for him, he mumbles a muffled 'thank you' to him. Turning to look over at Makoto, he sees the smile that Makoto always has on his face before planting a soft kiss on his forehead. _

_"I love you you know that?" Makoto mumbles quietly with a smile. First, it was a shock but after it settled in, he smiled and nodded._

_"I love you too."_

'Oh god Makoto… Why? Why Makoto. Please… PLEASE let me not be too late to save you this time. I love you. Please don't leave me. I can't live without you. I won't be able to love anyone else if you die. I won't forgive you. I will never forgive you if you die on me now. So please. Don't die.'

**From: Haruka Nanase**

_'Don't you dare die. Don't you dare. Stay with me. Okay? You promised that you would love me forever. But I need you here with me. Not in heaven. So stay. Stay and love me. Promise me you wont die.'_

Makoto's mind was running wild. His instincts told him that he needed to breath. His mind told him to drown to let death take him. Suddenly from the corner of his eye, he saw his phone buzz. For a brief period of time, he managed to make out a few letters. Not enough to make out the entire message but enough words that made his heart swell with emotions.

'Don't you dare die. I love you. Stay and love me. – from Haruka Nanase.'

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>

**hey guys :) Sooo this is the end of this chapter c: So i hope you enjoyed this :) Dont forget to review, fave and follow! :D mk baii (:**


	6. Chapter 5

**iv) Your ability to deal with us.**

_"Oi Makoto!" He calls out as he jogs towards the two of them. The three of them were at the park on a day somewhat similar to this just relaxing and unwinding after a long and stressful week. _

_"Ah! Hey Rin. Did you get the drinks?" Makoto asks, turning to face him. _

_"D-drinks?" Rin stuttered. "Oh shit! I totally forgot!" He grouched, sighing inwardly. _

_"Ah no problem." Makoto smiled. "I'll go get them then." He says as he starts to jog towards the small shop that sold the cold drinks._

_"W-wait! No Makoto I'll go get them! I was supposed to anyway but I forgot!" Rin calls out as he sprints towards him. _

_"No Rin you stay with Haru kay? I'll be back soon anyway. Its fine." He encourages, gesturing backwards towards Haruka who was perched precariously close to the edge of the pond, watching the fish with enthusiasm with the look that they both knew too well. _

_Haru was going to jump into the pond._

_"W-wait Haru!" Rin screamed as he tackled Haru to the ground before he could jump into the pool. Instead of fighting it, Haru simply stared nonchalantly at the sky before fidgeting under Rin's weight._

_"Why did you stop me? It's just water right? It's not like I'll drown." Muttered Haru under his breath. _

'I want to move. I want to see Haru again. I… I want to live.' He thinks as his body fails to move. He felt dizzy. It was definitely the lack of air. His head was spinning. He couldn't even think straight. He couldn't remember the memory. 'Drowning huh. I'd love to see that on my tombstone. Makoto Tachibana, Ex-swimmer, Drowned.' He mused in his head. It seemed so ridiculous that he was going to drown. He closed his eyes and for the first time in forever, he felt at peace. His inner demons were quiet, and it was nice. The angry voices went away and he felt himself slipping. The amount of oxygen in his brain was thinning and it hurt a little, but Makoto couldn't bring himself to care. He was truly happy for the first time in a long time. It was selfish. He knew. He loved and was loved by the two people that he has known since he can remember and he wasn't happy about it. He was cruel. Making them worry.

'What if I died?' He thought. 'I wonder how Haru and Rin will act. I wonder who would go to my funeral.. But.. I don't want a funeral. I can't die now. Haru asked me to stay with him. He told me that he won't ever be happy again. He told me… He told me to hold on.' And with that, his eyes snapped open and he felt his legs kick into action, pushing him up to the surface of the water. But with the lack of oxygen, he barely made it halfway. His eyes widened and he stretched his hand out to break the calm of the surface of the water. He was struggling just to keep his eyes open and this was really pushing him to his physical and mental limits.

Just then, as he was about to give up any hope of being saved, a hand dives into the water and pulls him to the surface. He didn't even have to think before his lungs were heaving in oxygen. As he looked up, the world was literally spinning around him. All he really saw was a flash of the two colours of hair that he knew too well.

Maroon and Ebony.

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>

**Hey guys c: So sorry for the long wait, I was having exams and couldnt write, also i had writers block. I actually originally wanted to have 5 reasons + 1 but i kinda ran out of ideas hahah. So the last chapter will be the very last. Unless I can think of a ending chapter c: SO yeah! :D So until then, I'd like to thank all the readers right here and now for sticking with this for so long. It was really messy and it was hard to write but I hope you guys really enjoyed it c: And as usual, dont forget to fave, review and follow! :D Thanks guys c: Love yall.**


	7. Chapter 6: THE FINAL CHAPTER

_Ending_

**_Haruka's POV_**

I couldn't see straight as both Rin and I pulled Makoto out of the swimming pool. We had just barely made it there as Makoto swam to the surface. I was panting hard and the dash from the park to the swimming pool had not been a fast one. It was at least a 15 minute drive there. We had made it there in less than 5. Looking to my left, I saw Rin sink to his knees trying his level best to hold in his sobs. I could barely register the fact that he air had been knocked out of my lungs as I ran and I too was gasping for air. I know it has been hard for Rin. First, he just had been given the position of swim captain as his sempai was retiring to go to college, then he was bombarded by the fact that his sister may or may not be seducing both his sempai AND his sempai's brother, and now this. I choked back a sob as I wrapped my arms around Makoto, hot tears streaming down my cheek as I felt his shallow breathing on my skin. I was afraid. No, scratch that. I was terrified. I have never EVER been so terrified in my whole entire life. My whole life was wrapped around Makoto's pinkie finger and if he ever left… I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my life. He's my pride and joy. I love him. He's mine. I remember when he said he wanted me to be his. I remember it so clearly. But now, I'm losing him. He's looking at me. I'm aware I'm crying. I'm aware that his hand slowly reaches for my face to wipe the tears and before it could reach the paramedics arrive. I'm screaming and crying as the paramedics swarmed into the poolside area. I don't even know how they got here. I thrashed and kicked and screamed my heart out as they took my Makoto away. _Away from me._ I felt strong arms pull me back and a strangely familiar and calming scent of cologne and musk. It was Rin. He was whispering calming words to me and I should be grateful. Instead of insisting that I was fine, I screamed and cried. I kicked and I shoved, screaming bloody murder as I heard the ambulance speed away to the nearest hospital. I haven't cried in years. Not when my parents left me, not when my grandmother died. They were distant. Now the one thing I hold dear to my heart is gone. And I feel like I'm drowning. But I still let it out. My sobs and cries. I didn't care who saw me. Not Rin, not the paramedics. I just kept crying. I couldn't stop the tears no matter how hard I tried. It felt so right to cry. Makoto… Rin… Rei… Nagisa… Gou… They were the only ones whom I let through the walls I put up. I surrounded my heart with walls so nobody could get through. But these special people... They did it anyway. They shovelled themselves into this cold heart of mine and there they stayed. Now Makoto is being rushed to the hospital, I'm vaguely aware of the sobbing Rin next to me, Rei and Nagisa are married and Gou is in university. The people who I trusted the most not to hurt my heart, have broken it. I'm broken. I'm broken beyond repair. All my walls came tumbling down. The walls that I spent so long putting up. All gone. Each wall broken down by the each of them as they all left one by one. Except for Makoto and Rin. And I'll be damned. I'd let them do it all over again.

**_Rin's POV_**

'Everything is gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay. Everything is gonna be okay.' I kept repeating to myself as the both of us pulled Makoto out of the swimming pool. It sucked. I couldn't help it as I began to sob softly, the tears and sweat stinging my eyes from the run. I told myself to stay composed for Haru's sake. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. When I saw him break down, I was selfish. I cried as well. It couldn't be helped. The Haruka Nanase I know doesn't cry. He doesn't break down and wail his eyes out. But it was happening and I was so stunned as he bent over Makoto who's eyes were fluttering open and close. It was no contest who would pull him out as we both did. Together. We were a team. We were family. It hurt watching family get hurt. And so I cried. I cried harder than I did before in my whole life. I couldn't bear to watch or to hear Haru's sobs or Makoto's breaths. It was pure torture. So I called the paramedics and in less than 2 minutes, I could hear sirens. The paramedics simply brushed past me and headed straight for Makoto. They had pried Makoto from Haru's shaky hands as he screamed and kicked them. I ran towards him with shaky steps and put my arms over him. I visibly saw him calm down for about a second in confusion then he began his rampage again, clawing at my arms till they were all red, kicking and begging me to get Makoto back. I wasn't used to this Haru. I was used to normal Haru. Monotonous Haru. Haru that-would-kick-your-ass-if-you-said-that-mackerel-wasn't-the-best-fish-in-the-world. But I couldn't . It wouldn't be fair to Makoto if as soon as he woke up, saw a crying Haru. That wouldn't be a very good look so intead, I opted to just holding him tight until he calmed down. It took a while but he was whimpering and tossing weakly as he used all his energy for the previous attack. I whispered soft and caring words to him as he whimpered and nodded at each encouraging word I gave. I couldn't let Haru see me weak. Never. Yet, he allowed me to see him in his darkest hours and it made me feel so good that Haru still trusted me no matter what, and I wasn't about to let him down now. If I didn't feel so weak in the knees, I would have hauled ass and dragged Haru into the ambulance but instead, we hitched a ride with one of the policemen to the hospital where they were treating Makoto. I was scared. The adrenaline was dying down and I could feel the strain on my muscles from the run. Wincing, I took Haru's hand in mine and squeezed it in a last silent comforting burst of effort as we were ushered to the waiting room outside of Makoto's ward. I always hated hospitals. Ever since dad… No. I hate dwelling on the past. As fast as my sore muscles would let me, I guided Haru through the empty halls of the hospital ward, sitting him down. His face was contorted into all kinds of hurt at the moment. I didn't want to ask anything and he looked like he didn't want to share. As we sat there, we waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, the doctor came out of the room looking just as tired as we were. I listened as closely as I could to whatever the doctor was trying to say but all I heard was mumbling and the steady sounds of the heart monitor beeping in Makoto's room. Finally the doctor released us and said that Makoto was alright and that he was barely conscious. Almost immediately Haru took off in a mad dash into the room, sobs threatening to burst out of his throat. I thought to myself, _Oh why of all of us did this have to happen to Makoto._

**_Makoto's POV_**

I slowly opened my eyes to the feeling of a hand grabbing mine and squeezing tight. I felt the familiar grooves of the persons palm, and the familiar scent of Haru.

_Dear sweet Haru._

The last thing I remembered before blacking out was reaching forward to wipe an angles tears. I couldn't really see but the scene in front of me made me feel like I was having Déjà vu. I saw Haru hovering over me, tears streaking his perfectly shaped cheeks. Once again I lifted my hand high enough to wipe those tears. As I wipe one side, he holds my hand close to his face and a distorted laugh erupts from his throat.

"I never thought I'd see you again." He mumbles quietly. And suddenly, all at once, it comes rushing back to me. The jump. The fall. The text. And before I know it, both Rin, Haru and I are all sobbing incoherently together on my bed, the three of us so thankful for each one of us.

Rin, my support through all these tough years and the epitome of awesomeness in my mind. The sole person who never gave up on me besides Haru.

_Haru._

Haru. The person whose name crosses my mind at least a billion times a day. The person who loves me. The love of my life. My Haru.

.

**_My Haru-chan. _**

**AN:**

**Hello hellooooooo XD boy has it been a while since ive updated. Aaaaanywayyyy, this is the ending to this series right here :) Hope you guys enjoyedddd 3 Why dont you guys leave in the comments what kinda FREE! or KNB or Homestuck fanfic you would like me to do next :) that would be much appreciated. But thank you all for all your follows, reviews and favorites :) Those mean lots to me. Alright then :) Until next time. **

**-Alaska**


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